Thursday, June 14, 2012

College v. The Movies- What would Jesus do?

As we were driving today, Bishop and I got into a discussion about college, what college is, who goes to college, when you go to college...that sort of preschool conversation that often goes incredibly wrong in the blink of an eye. In this case, the blink of an eye came upon us when Jesus entered the equation. Like this:

Me "Only big kids who are all done with school go to college"
B "Like you and Daddy?"
Me "That's right, like mommy and daddy"
B "And me? I'm a big kid"
Me "But you have to go to school first, then you can go to college"
B "Oh."
Moment of silent contemplation...always dangerous.
B "I'm not going to college"
Me "Really, why not?"
B "Well, I am going to be in movies, like Jesus"
Me *silence* "Uh..."
B "Jesus went to college?"
Me "Well, no, but"
B "I am not going to college like Jesus didn't. Jesus is in lots of movies, and he dies in them."
Me "Yeah, I guess that's true, but..."
B "I'm not going to college, I'm going to be in movies"

And this is the point that you realize the good old "What would Jesus Do" question is actually not helpful when you are talking to your children about things that Jesus never did. Especially when they believe that Jesus was an awesome movie star who repeatedly died in movies, only to go on the the next movie and die again. He even had movies named after him (Jesus, the movie). Where could a 4 year old go wrong with this reasoning? At the end of the day, yeah, Jesus died for our sins, but this all came AFTER his amazing film career. The books of the Bible that documents (haha, documentaries? Get it?) this part of his life were left out due to them holding the movement back (they didn't really add to the overall story, know what I mean?).

So what does Bishop want to be when he grows up? Jesus.
The one who starred in all those movies and gets to have some sweet action adventures.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Princess Diaries

Bishop was "braiding" my hair a few minutes ago when I caught a whiff...if you know what I mean. So I asked him if he needed to go potty or if he had farted. He said no, and that is when I realize that Cadence is standing next to me. With poop wiped on her chest Brave Heart style. This is one of those moments that you can later reflect on and wonder, "When did I sign on for Brave Heart poop?" I don't remember that being on the baby list. Alas, since Cadence is my second, and FAR WORSE has happened in my home, I simply ushered her into the bathroom, and that's where I found the gift she left me. NEXT to her potty. Right by her diaper.

Clearly she took her diaper off, sat on the potty, decided it wasn't really working out for her, got up, pooped next to the potty, and decided finger painting was on the menu for the evening entertainment.

Hey, I liked finger painting when I was a kid...pretty sure it was always with FINGER PAINT and not poop, but she is 17 months old and not too picky about her color choices. So, being the seasoned mother that I am , I cleaned her up, cleaned up the poop, sanitized everything, and then popped her into the bath for further washing. Because at somepoint in the 4 years that I have been a mom, dealing with my children's poop being wiped on things (themselves included) isn't really all that bad. Don't get me wrong, I am super happy it wasn't rubbed into the rug, which is harder to clean, but meh, poop wipes up.

I feel like this would have been a MUCH bigger deal 3 years ago. Especially since the poop was on her. I don't even know if she licked her fingers. THAT is where my mind automatically goes. Gross.

Friday, June 8, 2012

Comments from the other room

Today marks the first day that Zach has started sending me unnecessary texts. This is a landmark for several reasons, the least of which is that Zach isn't even willing to type out "OK" and will just send "K" or "Y" for yes and "N" for no. Really, if you ever plan to text the man, you should just be aware going in that he only answers yes or no questions. Otherwise, you will probably get a call. Also, if you get a long, drawn out, well written text, it means he handed the phone off to me, and is now dictating a ridiculous number of words for me to type into his flip phone. Here is the first incident this morning.

So Zach is on facebook, and some random girl who is friends with his younger brothers, but clearly doesn't actually know Zach starts instant messaging him on facebook, asking him questions that we know she isn't really meaning to ask him (like, when did he move out of his parents house...answer? While you were in diapers), but possibly is mistaking him for Casey. Which is hard to do, since Zach is spelled Z-a-c-h and Casey is not. Anyways, Zach, being consistently awkward in these types of situations, hands it off to me to respond to because he needs to go water the grass. About 5 minutes later, I get a text from him "Hows the convo going?" and this is when I realize that he is in the bathroom. About 20 ft from me. So I just yell out, "It's fine" and promptly end said conversation with random/confused girl who is now asking if my children are twins and if I went to some concert. *sigh*

About 20 minutes ago, while discussing how to interpret a verse that we are supposed to be teaching about on Sunday, I finally get him to leave me alone so I can focus, and he tells me he is going into the other room to study and that he will send me enlightened suggestions from there. Seconds later I get a text saying "Test"

Save me. Save me now. Maybe I should just go hide my phone in the same room as him and change the message notification to Alarm or something equally charming?

Maybe I will just go to bed.